stock.adobe.com
Beth Leininger went to appointment after appointment, just her and her child, seeking a diagnosis.
It was 2020, and amid COVID-19 protocols not even her husband could come.
She felt alone.
“I walked through that period of time by myself,” she said. “I didn’t want other moms to feel as isolated.”
To prevent that, Leininger began gathering mothers of children with special needs at her church for a support group, called Held.
Once a month, they gather over refreshments at Mercy Road Church Northeast in Fortville — and they don’t have to attend that church to attend the group — to catch up on their previous month, listen to each other, and find encouragement.
“I try not to make it all about being a special needs mom, but to just be moms and friends who are coming together,” Leininger said. “I also do bring an encouraging conversation; we read some Scripture or a song that spoke to one of our leaders. … There’s always something that is Christ-focused about the meeting. He’s the only way that we make it though, and he gives us the strength to be able to do it.”
Mercy Road is one of several area churches reaching out to parents of children with special needs to offer empathy and support, either through support groups or respite care.
Organizers of such programs say parents of children with various disabilities face unique challenges: Children with apparent disabilities may be stared at in public. Parents of children who are medically fragile have stayed home even more amid COVID concerns and face isolation. Children with disabilities that are not obvious, such as behavior disorders, face assumptions by people who misinterpret situations in public.
A lot of times going out and about looks a lot different than for a neurotypical child,” Leininger said. If a child’s having a rough time, “You do deal with the looks and the stares at the store or the zoo or wherever you’re trying to go.
“There is that judgment, I think, that we feel.”
Bethany Bruner, director of women’s ministry at Brandywine Community Church in Greenfield, said it’s a delicate balance to advocate for one’s child yet also be understanding to others.
“As Christians we have that added layer of how do we show grace to people who don’t know our struggles,” she said. “But I believe that … God the Holy Spirit is called the advocate (in the Bible) … It’s just a fine line you have to balance between advocating for my son and showing grace to the people I’m around.”
Bruner and a group of other mothers of children with special needs began gathering a few months ago for monthly meetups over coffee or tacos.
“Every mom needs a support group. Every mom needs a tribe,” Bruner said. “Once you add a child with special needs to the mix, the need is even greater to have a connection. …
“Jesus loves their kids exactly how they are. And the Gospel is for them.”
Leininger said connections are sometimes harder to form for such parents; their children may not get invited to birthday parties, for example, so the opportunities to meet and mingle with other parents are reduced.
Jill Bardonner, children’s director at Brookville Road Community Church in New Palestine, said she hears parents describe isolation and fatigue. The church has begun offering a quarterly respite session on a Friday evening for families of children with special needs who attend the church’s Joyland programming on Sunday mornings.
“We just started talking to parents and found out there’s a need for them to have breaks,” Bardonner said. “They love their kids so much, but they need a little break to rejuvenate, rest.”
The church has been assembling a team of volunteers, including some nurses, who feel a particular passion for serving in this way. They’ve staffed the three-hour quarterly respite block, filling the time with sensory play, a video, a snack and other activities. Parents, meanwhile, have found space for a nap or for dinner with friends.
“We got really really good feedback from our first one,” Bardonner said, “thanking us that we thought of the parents.”
And that being thought of, of coming together and finding empathy, can be powerful.
“When I share my experiences with these other women,” Bruner said, “it just reinforces to me that they see me, and God sees me, and I’m not walking this journey alone.”
RESOURCES FOR PARENTS
These local churches offer emotional support to families caring for a child with a variety of special needs. They are generally broad in who is welcome to come. They welcome people in various parenting roles, including grandparents raising a child. They also welcome people dealing with a variety of diagnoses, in children of various ages, including grown adults. “Do they identify as a special-needs parent?” said Bethany Bruner of Brandywine Community Church. “If so, they are welcome.”
Brandywine Community Church gathers mothers of children with special needs for a monthly outing where mothers find mutual support for their journey. For more information, call Bethany Bruner at 317-462-4777, ext. 107.
Brookville Road Community Church offers Joyland EPIC on Sunday mornings. Children with special needs attending the Joyland children’s programming are each assigned an EPIC buddy, who stays with them during their classes, and have access to a sensory room. For more information about accomodations available, call Jill Bardonner at 317-861-3880.
Mercy Road Church Northeast gathers mothers of children with special needs for a monthly support group called Held. Children often stay home with the other parent, but knowledgable caretakers are available to provide childcare if needed. Find more information at https://mercyroad.churchcenter.com/groups/ne-outposts/held.
