Morton Marcus
Regular readers of this weekly homily will recall my visits each December with Elvin Elfenhousen at Santa’s North Pole workshop. This year, I found Elvin befuddled by politics.
“I worry,” Elvin said, “about the sanity of the extreme right-wingers.”
“Sanity is not a characteristic of any extremists,” I said. “But why does that effect you?”
“The Big Guy.” Elvin motioned with his head toward Santa’s office. “He’s concerned that our workshop may come under supervision because these nutcakes in power will seek to regulate us.”
“Unlikely,” I said. “You’re exempt from all sorts of federal and state regulation because you do good, are pan-national, and are fictitious.”
“None of that applies,” he said. “Your Congressman Jim Banks (R-IN 3nd District) and Senator J.D. Vance (R-Ohio) are proposing the College Admissions Accountability Act. To quote the Indianapolis Star, it “would create an office to investigate reports of so-called discrimination in higher education departments and establish a process for people to file allegations against admissions offices.”
“Elvin,” I said, “Hoosiers don’t take those legislators seriously. They’re sources of entertainment at the bottom of the GOP totem pole.”
“What?” Elvin was angry. “Vance wants Ukraine to surrender some of its territory, but he’s not up for reelection in 2024. Banks, however, desires to move up. He’s the 2024 anointed candidate of his party for the U.S. Senate! That’s pretty serious!!
“Their bill would expand the federal bureaucracy to go beyond the ruling of the Supreme Court banning affirmative action admissions to college. The Banks-Vance bill would build a new federal agency to accept any crackpot complaint from a disappointed applicant which would then expand the academic bureaucracy to respond to the agency’s investigations.
“This would further bloat two bloated parts of our economy and end up costing the government and the colleges untold millions of dollars.”
“Yes,” I admitted, “that’s wacky. But what’s it mean for Santa and your fellow elves?”
“Look,” Elvin commanded, “colleges and our workshop have gotten along for close to two centuries as idealized out-growths of religious institutions. Together we’ve held mythological status as sanctified entities.
“The colleges, through NCAA rules allowing athletes to be paid, are on the verge of admitting they are nothing more than subsidized businesses engaged in revenue maximizing activities.
“If rabid right-wingers like Banks and Vance can establish unnecessary government agencies, they will inevitably turn their attention to Santa’s workshop.”
“I see,” I said. “A momentary merger of maniacs on the left and right. Mandated rooftop landing pads to protect the reindeer, leading to housing codes requiring roof top retrofitting. This increases demand for reconstruction of virtually all residential structures, raising the price of housing as well as wages of construction workers and profits for construction firms.”
“Absolutely” Elvin said. “What seems like frolicsome fantasy is in line with the costly proposal put forth by illogical Banks and Vance.”
Mr. Marcus is an economist. Reach him at [email protected]. Follow him and John Guy on Who Gets What? wherever podcasts are available or at mortonjohn.libsyn.com.
