I run five miles a day, but those who have observed me in action question the use of the word “run” and even the word “action.”
The baby steps I take — as opposed to a long athletic stride — have resulted in some significant mocking. I now wonder whether my plan to win the Mini Marathon should be removed from my bucket list.
This form of exercise is actually new to me. Here is how I viewed it in previous years:
2015: Jogging had not occurred to me
2016: Didn’t jog once
2017: Hated the idea of jogging
2018: Last thing on my mind
2019: Just not gonna jog
This is a running joke.
Last winter, I joined a nearby gym. My friend Bob took a video of me on the running track and showed it to his wife, Cathy, who commented on how tiny my steps were. She also said I looked like I was tip-toeing through the tulips. Hence my new nickname: Tiny Tim.
My wife is now also on my case. Every time I announce that I am going for a little run around the block, she corrects me. “Dick, you are not running. No one would consider what you do running.”
“Okay, okay, I’m jogging.”
“Even that’s a stretch, Dick, although I hate to put the word “stretch” in any conversation about how your legs move when you circle the block.”
My friends Paul and Karen next door always pull up next to me in their car and ask how many steps I’ve completed so far that day. I appreciate the question, but I don’t like it when Paul puts “steps” in air quotes.
Then there’s Eric and Yok. When I see them first thing in the morning, I tell them that I plan to run around the block three times (about two miles). “I hope you are bringing a box lunch,” Eric says. Ha ha. Very funny.
Meg and Rahul who live in our cul de sac have an adorable baby, about 11 months old. When they see me jogging, they steer the stroller so I am no longer in their son’s view. He will be walking soon and they want to avoid any poor role models.
I was tired of all the kidding, so I decided to google the difference between running, jogging and fast walking. One site outlined the distinction, noting that jogging is often the slowest of the three, ranging from 3.5 mph to 5 mph. I showed the reference to Mary Ellen and she didn’t find the information helpful for defining my gait. She suggested that for a better idea of what I do every day I should google “running in place.”
By the way, for me, the difference between 3.5 mph and 5 mph is the difference between breathing hard and passing out on the sidewalk.
A final note: a housefly (the kind you miss with your swatter 9 times out of 10) flies at exactly the same speed I walk. I know this because it was part of a TED Talk I listened to while jogging from my front door to my mailbox. Ten minutes well spent.
