I’m reading a lot of blogs and Facebook posts from people who have shared personal insights about the world while quarantined in their homes. Those revelations have triggered me to compile some of my own thoughts.
1. Throughout these weeks of sheltering in place, when I’ve asked Mary Ellen if she’s seen my cell phone, she responds, “It’s in the house, somewhere.” OK, but what about my wallet and keys?
2. I love golf and watch it on weekends. If Arnold Palmer is leading the tournament, I’m thinking it may be repeat.
3. When Mary Ellen and I sit outside in the mornings and talk, after about an hour and a half she’ll say, “That’s interesting. I’ve never heard you say that before.” It’s then I realize that for more than 90 minutes, I hadn’t said anything new.
4. When couples walk around our neighborhood, sometimes I’ll notice the man is in shorts and a t-shirt and his wife is bundled up in a winter coat. Why would a man marry a woman who is always that cold? OK, that sounds sexist. Why would a woman marry a man who is that hot? I’m only making this worse. Never mind.
5. No matter how many times in one afternoon I ask Alexa what day it is (who can keep track anymore) she never gets impatient or annoyed with me. Are you reading this, Mary Ellen? Oh, and by the way, my brother Peter, who lives in New York, has the best way to keep track of the days. He looks at his weekly pill divider.
6. I discovered my wife has a crush on two people we watch on TV: First is Idris Elba. This 6-foot-3-inch talented actor is a major hunk with a British accent that drives Mary Ellen crazy. She also has a thing for Dr. Anthony Fauci. Standing 5 feet, 7 inches tall, he’s a brilliant immunologist who is one of the lead members of the coronavirus task force. He is articulate and measured. What do I have in common with either of these men? I was once 5 feet, 7 inches.
7. We use a program called Zoom for our church services. It’s a live, interactive “teleconference” that allows groups of people to be seen on the screen at the same time. We have several older members in the congregation. When I commented that it felt like “Hollywood Squares,” I was glad a lot of people knew what I was talking about.
8. Those who deliver health care are the real heroes. Those who deliver beer are a close second.
9. I’ve been exercising in the basement, and I keep careful track of everything. It’s exactly 53 steps from the furnace room to the couch, another 27 around the treadmill and 16 more to my computer. That takes me 32.6 seconds and it’s precisely 0.07 miles. I know what you’re thinking: Why are you running around your basement when you have a treadmill? It’s because the machine is covered in winter clothing.
10. My To-Do list has nothing on it these days. Now I have a Not-To-Do list. (Don’t go to the movies; don’t get a haircut; don’t go to the YMCA…) The list is long. I’m worried I’ll never get it all not done.
As you can see, I’m losing my mind.
