In some of my latest readings, I’ve encountered the opinion that you should push your comfort zones and go out on a limb more often. Some even go so far as to say that if you’re not getting rejected on a daily basis, then you’re not taking enough risks. The obvious reaction to all this? I needed to sign up for a speed-dating event.
I don’t have a problem with the idea of talking to a lot of different people. I’m generally pretty outgoing, so in that sense the event wouldn’t be a stretch. But the thought of the inconvenience of getting gussied up, going out at night, and finding the location without being left adrift on the sea of roundabouts that is Carmel seemed like more hassle than it was worth.
Then it dawned on me that this is the reason I don’t get out much — because I don’t get out much. It may sound like a tautology, but it’s true: Since I never go anywhere, I don’t meet people who want to go do stuff, so then I either don’t know about events or else don’t have anyone to go with when I do. Vicious cycle, self-fulfilling prophecy, or Catch 22? Take your pick.
The email said to dress “hot”; I guess they were expecting it to be cold in there? I ended up with a long sweater, leggings and tall boots. I kind of looked like a goth Robin Hood. You know that horror many women have talked about, of showing up someplace and there’s somebody else there dressed like them? That hasn’t happened to me ever, in almost five decades of life.
The event was $27 but advertised free appetizers. If you’ve ever been out to eat with me, then you know I can easily put away $27 worth of food without missing a beat. So I figured I’d get my money’s worth no matter what happened.
I was expecting meatballs, chicken wings, and various meats filled with nitrates. I didn’t anticipate there would be only plates of chips and salsa. I felt cheated.
I figured it probably wasn’t a good idea for me to start a conversation with the fact that this event was taking time away from my latest hobby, learning about bio-anthropology. On the other hand, it would give me a chance to study the mating behavior of modern primates, which would dovetail with the book I’m currently reading. This could be a key opportunity for sociological observation.
So here it is: I’m at this event, thinking I’m going to stand out as this nerd who is older than most of the other people there. I worried that I wouldn’t know what to talk about or how to interact. I figured I looked like a dork who would come across as awkward in my attempt to be social and meet people.
What I discovered, while talking to and observing the other participants, is that everyone has insecurities — everybody, all-inclusive, no matter how confident they may seem at first. You think you’re too tall. He’s worried that he doesn’t have enough hair. She’s self-conscious about her teeth, and somebody else is from a different culture.
If you go into a situation feeling a bit off balance, remember that everyone else does too. You can cut yourself some slack for merely trying and extend that goodwill to others. Then you can throw any expectations out the window and relax for a good time because it’s not a big deal. And you just might make some new friends in the process.
