Half a dozen or so of us were standing around the bed like you’d stand around a shiny new car someone just drove home from a dealership.
We recently broke down and bought a new mattress and box springs. Our new mattress and box springs sit substantially higher than the old ones. Unfortunately, I have not had a corresponding growth spurt, so to get into bed I now must run, jump and lunge.
I suspected some of the family thought I was exaggerating about the situation, so I had them look at the bed themselves. One of the sons-in-law said, “Wow, that is high.” This coming from a fella who loves playing basketball because he can make rim shots.
“Tell me again how you get in,” one of the girls said.
“I start a slow jog at the door, build momentum, jump by the side of the bed, twist and land. I throw both arms in the air as I land for a sort of gymnast effect.”
Progress is often marked by making things larger — bigger big-screen televisions, higher high-rise buildings, larger large homes and ever-more luxurious luxury hotels. I wonder if someone thought adding height to beds was a mark of progress, too. If that’s the case, I bet that someone was 7 feet tall. Or more.
Someone suggested getting a step stool. I’d thought about that, too. But what about getting out of bed? What if you forget there’s a little step stool below your feet, trip over it, pitch forward and dislocate your shoulder? How is that part of a good night’s sleep?
I don’t mind doing a run, jump and lunge now, but what about 20 years from now? Will I still be running, jumping and lunging?
I called the salesperson about the dilemma. She chuckled, said it is a frequent concern and that all we need to do is lower our bed frame.
We have a four-poster bed nearly 100 years old. To lower it, we’d have to saw off the hand-turned wooden legs.
I also mentioned that the mattress is a lot harder than the mattress was at the store. Like cement block hard.
“Do you have children?” she asked.
“We have children and grandchildren,” I said.
“Have them walk on it.”
“Excuse me?”
“The new hybrid beds with memory foam can be loosened up if you walk on them. Have the kids take off their shoes and socks and walk all over your bed.”
She was a nice lady and switched out the box springs for one not nearly as deep. I no longer do the run-lunge-jump to get into bed. She also said if we didn’t like the mattress, we had 60 days to exchange it.
The exchange will be easy.
The hard part will be telling the grandkids they are no longer welcome to walk on the bed. In the meantime, I’m enjoying my new moniker of “Most Fun Grandma.”
Lori Borgman is an Indianapolis columnist. Send comments to [email protected].
