This is my annual look back at, and appreciation for, all the people and events that inspired many of my weekly columns this past year. For example, thanks to…
n My brother, for getting married for the first time at a very late stage in life. When my sister called and said, “Your brother is doing something no Jewish guy ever does for the first time at the age of 65,” I was confused. I thought I was going to his bar mitzvah.
n Whole Foods, where I bought an organic bar of green soap, wrapped in clear shrink-wrap. When I got out of the shower the next morning, I told my wife that I didn’t think it lathered very well. “Is it because it’s organic?” I asked Mary Ellen.
“No, it’s because you just washed yourself with a wedge of cheese.”
n The waiter in New Orleans who told us we were not given bread plates because “we encourage guests to just enjoy the bread. We’ll tidy up your mess,” he said.
“Are you saying this because we’re Hoosiers?” I asked jokingly.
“Don’t feel bad,” said the couple at the next table. “We’re from Kentucky and we didn’t even get utensils.”
n Jerry Lewis, who passed away this year. He made me laugh since I was 8 years old. When I was in sixth grade, the teacher called my parents and said that I was always acting like Jerry Lewis in class. I was shocked when my father explained to me this actually was a bad thing.
n My nerdy neighbor for explaining to me the difference between HDMI and HDMI2. It still is not clear to me what all those initials actually stand for, although HD has to be Help Dick.
n The Schneiders, who took us line dancing in Florida when we visited. Stella, the instructor, was quite good at her job. However, when I was certain I had all the moves right, all the other 65 people were doing it completely wrong. And in unison.
n My phlebotomist, Shirley, who has used the same jokes every time I have had blood drawn for several years. First, she looks at me with flirty eyes and says, “It’s too bad you’re married. You’re my type.” This year she added a new one. “Your column last week wasn’t funny, so I guess today I’m sticking it to you twice.”
n Dr. Greg Estes, my knee surgeon. After being told during my initial visit that my wife wanted to go exploring in the Canadian Mountains the following week, he said, “Sounds rocky to me.”
“You mean the hiking?” I said.
“No, I mean your marriage. What wife would make her husband do that with a knee like yours?”
n Finally, a no thanks to my wife for visiting her friend in Florida without teaching me how to use all the remotes in the house. We have one for Apple TV, one for the DVR, one for the Blu-ray and one for regular TV.
“Did you figure out how to turn on the television?” asked Mary Ellen the first night she called.
“No, but I opened and closed the garage door 11 times.”
Television personality Dick Wolfsie writes this weekly column for the Daily
Reporter. Send comments to [email protected].
