I need a utility belt, one just like Batman’s on the old TV series, not the new movie Batman.
(Batmen? There’s been a bunch of them over the years.)
Adam West’s Batman had this big wide belt with pouches large enough to actually hold stuff. Handy things like the Bat Cuffs, the Bat Oxygen Mask, the Batarang, the Bat smoke Pellets, the Bat Walkie-Talkie and a thousand other things.
Did you ever notice how Adam West’s Batman was always smart enough to have packed exactly the right items for the villain or event he was involved with?
I am certain he used the Bat Computer to stock the utility belt with the day’s needs.
Now, back to mine.
I don’t think it needs to be school-bus yellow. Black would be OK. Any other color would probably clash with my day-to-day wear.
It needs a pouch for my cellphone, another for my wad of keys.
I’d need a pouch for my glasses. I’ve started wearing them more often, and carrying them around is a pain in the pocket. I know I’m going to break or lose them otherwise.
Additionally, I guess I’d like to have a pouch to carry my lint-free cleaning cloth for the glasses and cellphone screen. I never have one when I need it.
I’d also like to carry a set of earphones for my cellphone for those rare occasions I get to listen to my radio apps or my limited MP3 music library (29 songs over and over and over again).
My wallet is 2 inches thick, so maybe I’d like a pouch for credit cards and ID, too.
How about one for candy for the grandkids? That one should probably be divided up into three compartments, so I could also carry a few antacids and a handful of Ibuprofen for myself.
I have already explored a few of the alternatives to a utility belt.
One was the fanny pack. Ugh. Who wears those anymore?
A lot of folks seem to carry a backpack around with them, but I don’t have that much stuff.
I do have a “murse” or man-purse (my wife’s words). I call mine an “Army surplus messenger bag.” It’s big enough for my Kindle tablet and other such stuff. It is a very stylish olive drab green.
The utility belt could handle everything but the tablet.
I think I’ve figured out a solution to that problem. Buy more tablets and leave them around the different places I frequent during the day (just like my 10 pairs of “reader” eyeglasses).
Everything I have on my Kindle is in “The Cloud” somewhere, everywhere, or so I’m told. All my e-stuff would still be accessible.
If I started wearing those loose baggy shirts that you don’t tuck in, no one would ever know I was wearing a utility belt until my cellphone rang or I accidentally dumped out all of my ibuprofen and antacids.
I guess I should consider a personalized utility belt buckle.
The “Bat” logo is already in use. I don’t drive a big rig, so there goes the Mack bulldog.
It’s a shame I don’t ride a horse. I’ve seen lots of attractive rodeo buckles, How about a set of gritting teeth? Yeah, that sounds like what I need.
Never mind me. I’m just grumpy.
Tim Renshaw formerly taught broadcasting at Greenfield-Central High School. He lives in New Palestine and can be reached at this email address: firstname.lastname@example.org.