Why travel without golf? I’ll stay home

My wife and I were planning a trip to Florida to visit Mary Ellen’s old high school friend, but Joy’s husband was unexpectedly called out of town on business.

Steven and I usually play golf together, so I was a little disappointed. But a change in scenery and time to read on the beach still sounded enjoyable.

“You’re still welcome to come along,” said Mary Ellen.

As you’re reading this, please say the sentence, “You’re still welcome to come along,” about six different ways, and just try to make it sound like I really was still welcome to come along.

“Well, do you want me to go with you?” I asked my wife point blank.

I had put Mary Ellen in an awkward position.

“It’s not that I don’t want you to join me …” she began, “but don’t you think it would be good for our relationship to spend a little time apart?”

Now I was the one who was in an awkward position. Suppose I said, “Yes, that’s a good idea, Mary Ellen.”

Or I could have said: “No, I’d still like to go.”

“And what are you going to do all day while Joy and I are talking about old times? I don’t want you to be grumpy the whole trip.”

The bottom line is that Mary Ellen is off to Florida, and I get to stay home.

My biggest concern when my wife leaves is that I have no clue how to use our TV remotes.

Mary Ellen told me to gather all the remotes in the house and practice. “How are you doing?” she asked, as I fiddled with each device.

“I opened and closed the garage door several times.”

I hope Joy and Mary Ellen have a good time together. I also hope Steven and I see each other soon. I sent him a text inviting him to come here to play golf, just the two of us. I also told him he has a standing invitation for dinner.

Television personality Dick Wolfsie writes this column regularly for the Daily Reporter. Send comments to dr-editorial@greenfieldreporter.com.