Why set these records in the first place?

What’s the longest known chest hair? The heaviest pumpkin on record? Or the longest time a person ever whistled?

See a list of these superlatives by reading the newest edition of the Guinness World Records Book. I skimmed the entire 250 pages in three minutes, 6.8 seconds, which I am told gets me in the next edition.

Here are some actual categories along with a few snide asides by me:

The unluckiest man in the world is Ray Sullivan, who survived seven lightning strikes. Ray says he won’t buy a lottery ticket because he doesn’t like his chances.

Ben Pridmore of the UK memorized 884 playing cards in a row. He actually set the record two years ago but wasn’t in last year’s edition because he forgot to mail in his entry fee.

Roger Squires of England has compiled almost 80,000 crossword puzzles in 50 years. Asked why he developed this passion, Squires said, “Not a clue.”

Devandra Suthar of India has 14 fingers, evenly divided between his right and left hands. Devandra is a carpenter by trade, but he must not be very good at it because he used to have 16 fingers.

The heaviest thing ever pulled by a woman in high heels? Lia Grimanis of Canada lugged a 14,000-pound truck across a football field. Second place goes to Rosie Frobisher of Peoria, who hauled her fat, drunk husband out of a Hooters restaurant.

Dinesh Upadhyaya of India crammed standard-sized lit taper candles in his mouth. Actually, his name is Denny Undermeyer, but it sounds like Dinesh Upadhyaya when you have 15 lit candles in your mouth.

The largest collection of people dressed as Batman in one place was a convention in Alberta, Canada, in 2014. It seems the 514 participants were unhappy with the accommodations. There were only three working Bat Rooms.

The largest gathering of people dressed as pirates was in the UK in 2012. Approximately 14,000 buccaneers gathered from all over the world. British Airways directed their airline captains to break in every five minutes over the PA system and say: “This is your pirate speaking.”

Television personality Dick Wolfsie writes a weekly column for the Daily Reporter. Send comments to dr-editorial@greenfieldreporter.com.