Predicting future an easy gig; it’s in cards

I sat in on a discussion in Indianapolis and was surprised to hear the leader commenting on fortune-tellers from thousands of years ago.

“I just now listened to one on the radio as I was pulling into the parking lot,” I said.

“Where do you get this stuff?” he answered. He waved me off and continued his comments.

Whenever things like this happen, I want to say, “You naive, you have no idea how little your world is.”

Fortune-tellers are still going strong, and it’s not difficult to be one if you’re interested. I’ll show you how, and maybe it’ll help bring down the local unemployment rate.

Let’s start with the type I listened to last night on a radio station out of the country known in Spanish as el Perú.

People one after another called in for advice and foresight. One man said, “I’m thinking about approaching my company and telling them I want to start drawing my retirement.”

The fortune-teller shuffled his cards and drew a few. “The king of diamonds. You have some good financial hope for your immediate future. Queen of spades. Are you having some sort of conflict with your wife right now?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact, I am.”

“Be careful,” said the fortune-teller. “Some good is coming to you in the near future, but you will run the risk of alienating your wife. Be careful how you deal with her. So you’re wanting to retire …”

“Yes, I am.”

“Well, I’m showing an eight of clubs and an ace of clubs. I think you will be OK to take your retirement, but you must not rush. Don’t rush. Be purposeful. There are unforeseen obstacles.”

The teller accepted the man’s heartfelt thanks for the encouraging observations and took the next call.

“Buenas tardes, señora from Trujillo. ¿Cómo está?”

“I’m having trouble getting along with my husband, and I’ve met someone else, and I’m wondering about where this might be going.”

“Jack of hearts,” said the fortune-teller. “Have you met a man you like?”

“Yes, I have. He’s a kind man, and it’s nice to get some respect for a change.”

“King of diamonds again. He has some money, doesn’t he? And now the queen of clubs and two of hearts. You don’t get much respect from your husband, do you? He only angers you.”

“Exactly. I want to react, but I don’t feel he’d listen to me. This other man, he’s different. And yes, he has money. I don’t think he’s rich, but he’s well off.”

“Two tens,” says the teller. “Looks like a good pair. But you need to do this right. Pay attention to detail. Still, it looks good.”

The caller chokes up and lavishes gratitude on the teller. A commercial break to advertise the fortune teller’s fuller services is followed by a steady stream of calls.

To make any money from telling fortunes, you just about have to offer fuller services in order to differentiate yourself from charlatans who behave as if they are nothing more than talking fortune cookies.

We all know those skinny strips of paper: Your dreams are about to come true. Something you’ve been waiting for requires immediate attention. Don’t assume your friend will forget what you said recently. An opportunity awaits your thoughtful decision.

One way to differentiate yourself from these cheap peeks into the future is to devise recipes for countering evil influences. You need to come up with solutions that can be tested and, if necessary, blamed on the client in case of failure, indicating a need for paid consultation with you.

I’ll give you an authentic example that you could hear in the Indianapolis area.

Let’s say you’re a man who’s lost your wife, and you want her back. Put two cups of warm water in a jar. Add three tablespoons of pure peanut oil. Stir. Pour the mixture into three separate, smaller glass containers and set them in three corners of your home.

That will hold off contrary forces and allow your lover to re-evaluate her decision to abandon you, while you consider behavioral changes you may need to make as a responsible spouse. If this doesn’t fix your problem, schedule an appointment for paid consultation, and the seer will play hardball with the forces that beset you.

Good luck with all you attempt in 2015. Great things await you — if you move with caution, avoid rash decisions and do your best.

Max T. Russell is owner of Max and Max Communications and formerly taught Spanish in Southern Hancock schools. You can contact him via his website,